T Minus Fifteen

It's currently 6:49 a.m. and I've been up for the past 3 hours being totally strange.
I woke up 'cause, duh, I had to pee.  (btw, I imagine myself as a troll when this happens.  Hunched over in pain, waddling with one eye open, the other clinched tight, one hand on my back, one on my belly and starring in my own grunting/groaning symphony.  A pair of granny-panties in a half-wedgie and a tank top that once fit.  It's a wonder Reesh can keep his hands off of me at all!)

Anyway, once back in the bed I realized that AGAIN I fell asleep during my prayers.  This happens everyday.  I have part 1 prayer time at night.  Fall asleep.  And part 2 prayer time comes usually in the shower, or right before nap time when I remember I fell asleep on God.  Good thing He's understanding. ;)  Anyway, there's for sure enough to be praying about these days so I figured while I was awake I'd finish up my talk.  Well, that took me an hour!  And at the end it usually goes something like, "Alright.  I feel my eyes getting heavy again- you know what this means.  So, for everyone and everything I forgot to mention or am too tired to remember, you can read my heart better than you can hear my voice- so....I consider it all prayed for.  Amen."  He, after all, did manufacture this crazy mind of mine so I just figure He understands when I get loopy in prayer.  So after an hour of praying, I felt myself getting sleepy again. (As I do now)  I closed my eyes.  And dang it if my phone didn't betray me with a @#$%&^ing Facebook notification.  Well, my goodness...I couldn't IGNORE it.  It's FACEBOOK!  It's like CNN!!!  It's like the Pringles logo- "Once you pop, you just can't stop."  So now I'm on Facebook- on my phone- in the bed.  It's about 5 a.m. now.  The phone is irritating me and I get a better idea to move to the couch and get on the laptop.  How is it that within 7 minutes I'm juggling 3 private message convos, commenting on someone's vacation pics, and carryin' on with my mom on her wall?  There's God- shakin' His head at me again.  Now Reesh is awake and getting ready for work and I feel like I may crawl back into bed (it's mine, ALL MINE!!!!) and finish this blog-business later.  We'll see...

So, I want to blog about my upcoming birthing experience today.  Just want to put it all out there, say how I'm feeling.

Fifteen days.
Fifteen (loooong) more days until I get to meet Prince Charming #2.  Lil' P.C.  Ok, I'll stop with the nicknames- he already picked up 2 more last week.

Also, last week we confirmed our Cesarean section date for the 18th of January.
Here's the deal:
Ol' Gator Chittlin' is still breech.  On top of being breech, he's big.  Like Sumo big, I'm assuming.  Those weren't the Dr.'s words, but....I saw the look on the u.s. tech's face.  What she did say was that his position was very unfavorable to him turning on his own or being successfully turned after an external version.  I was left with three options, basically.  To go ahead and try the version, give vaginal birth to a folded-in-half breech Sumo baby, or to have the dreaded c-section.  They've recommended acupuncture, as well.  Supposed to help turn the baby-?!  I've read up on the whole version thing and, quite frankly, it ain't my cup o' tea.  It's a bit too risky for me, painful, etc.  I believe that babies are creations of God, and it's Him that guides them through 9 months (or however long) of fetal development and serves as their coach.  How else do they just know to turn when they're supposed to?  And the ones who don't turn?  There's GOT to be a reason!  They could be tangled in their cord, have it wrapped around their poor neck, the mother's pelvis could be too narrow (or broke like in my situation), the baby's head could be so large that after hours of labor they're forced into this world by emergency c-section.  I mean, who knows?  I just think that there's always a reason and if I allow someone to try and alter this situation manually, it could end up wrong.  So, no to the needles in my pinky toe, and no to twisting my baby's head off his neck in an attempt to turn him around.  I believe strongly in the human's intuition- our gut feelings.  When you don't listen to that inner voice, something inadvertently always goes wrong.  This is too precious of a situation for me not to listen to that feeling, and I feel so strongly against having the version done. (Maybe I'm writing this to convince myself I'm doing the right thing...)  The vaginal birthing option.  Uh, no.  How is that even a suggestion?  I could see myself birthing a leg and then being sent for an emergency c-section.  What's the point? 
So, as one Dr. put it, I am having an "elective Cesarean section."  I was writing a girlfriend today about it (while I was Facebook multitasking) and here's what I told her (plus a bit more);  Ya know, for some strange reason...I feel "okok with it all.  No, not jumping for joy- but I feel like my calmness is just God telling me, "It's ok...let go, I've got ya, you big ol' spazmonkey."  Seriously, I can let clumpy mascara ruin my week, yet I am totally at peace with having a c-section.  Almost like this was meant to be part of my birth story.  And in the end, no matter how this baby comes out- if I have to snort him out of my nose, it'll be MY birth story.  And it'll be perfect.  Eat that, Doctor Unibrow!

My mom will be here next week and I'm very excited to have her here!  We'll get to hang out for a week before D-day!  This is definitely one of those times I just....need my mom.  She won't be allowed in the O.R., but I know she'll be down the hallway the whole time.  Funny how in my "journey to become a mom" I've wanted my own mom a lot more often.  It's hard to be so far away from family during times like these.  I want to share everything with them and have them all be a part of it, but.....