You're an Oxymoron

Alright y'all! (whoever "y'all" is...)

First in baby news:
I had my 32 week check-up with my midwife today.  I had to go alone because Reesh is still in Germany, which is ok, but damn when you're 8 months pregnant walking yourself to your prenatal appointment.  Good thing he's not got any more trips planned before D-Day, I might have been walking myself to the delivery room. :)  Anyway, my results were in from my last blood and glucose tests- sugar was good, iron was good (good to know those prenatal vitamins the size of a turkey leg work!), and mine and the baby's blood is both good (and negative.)  Blood pressure perfect as always. 
>I had a list 25 questions long today and really left with some good info.  We talked about the dreaded C-section and how that goes down here in the NL.  Not that I was already being Negative Nancy, but when you're 32 weeks and there's a baby's head lodged in your ribs, the question is, none-the-less fitting.  At the end of my appointment she checked the baby as usual (ehhhm....my protruding belly covered in fine hair complete with half inny/half outty belly button) and found out that Ol' Gator Chittlin' Frank had indeed already made the great migration (head first) South.  In the words of Madea, "Well, praise God, Hallelujer!"  I was so excited when I left my appointment just minutes after hearing that, that when my midwife extended her hand for a shake I started to reach around and hug her without realizing it.  But I didn't.  Well done, Junior!  Now hopefully he'll stay that way.

My iPhone 4s came in today- woot woot!  I surprised myself with my tech-savvyness and how quickly I exchanged phones.  What a difference!  This phone is the shizzy-dizzy!  I honestly don't think I can ever use another phone.  Super iPhone spoiled!

Maternity Clothes.  No, not what you'd expect to see at a runway near you anytime soon- but my God, they've come a long way.  I mean, since just a few years ago.  More bellies are being exposed at the middriff (if you're pregnant, do you even have one of those still?), tighter clothing (thank GOD...away with the big bulky clothing that screams "HELP!   I'm knocked up and dressed like Java the Hut!!!), and somewhat stylish!  When I first got pregnant I just couldn't wait to have a huge belly!  I didn't hardly buy any maternity clothes, save for a pair of pants or so, because it all looked huge on me.  That changed.  Now I wish I had bought more because this is where I am:
I am too large to fit into anything I did 3 months ago.
I am too out of breath to barely make it down the stairs to leave the house, most less go shopping for clothes!
And after buying all that baby stuff (JEEZ they need a lot!) I am too damn broke to shop online.
I am perfectly content (that doesn't even touch how I feel!) with my oversized lime green V.S. sweatpants and whichever tanktop is not on the bottom of the dirty clothes pile.  Seriously.  The neon green sweatpants were cute.  Like the first 2 weeks I wore them.  But now that everyone I know has seen me wear them...every time they see me....it's probably getting a bit obnoxious.  The dog is happy he's color-blind.  Ya know, I could care less really- but then...sometime...you just gotta get out of the house.  This weekend we have a big wedding anniversary party for an aunt and uncle, and Christmas weekend we're going to the St. Petersburg ballet's 'The Nutcracker.'  As much as I'd like to show up in my handy-dandy green sweatpants, these are my in-laws and I guess I've gotta have some kind of class.  So, the only dress I have that fit me recently...like a month ago, is a Peg Bundy, leapord, just-past-the-knee dress.  I'm just not sure that right now I wanna look like 10 pounds of sausage in a 5 pound leapord bag.  Yesterday I had a melt-down.  Or 12.  I'm not even sure why...oh yes I am.  At one point I was crying because I had no maternity clothes.  So, hunka-hunka burnin' love felt bad for me (or at least sounded real concerned about my lack of a fat girl wardrobe) and told me to "go ahead and order what I want."  Why he say dat?  I ordered...cough....three dresses (in my defense, 2 were to be sent back after choosing the one that looked best), a pair of boots (no reasonable shoes in the closet to go with those dresses), a pair of maternity pantyhose (note to self: put on in the dark so you don't have to see what that looks like), and a pair of...durn da da durn....maternity skinny jeans.  No, your computer screen is not dirty, I said it.  Fat lady skinny jeans.  For anyone who may be reading this who doesn't personally know me, I'm not really fat (I do a good job at making myself sound that way)- I'm just...ya know, pregnant- so a bit wider than I'm used to.  Anyway, super curious about the skinny jeans.  All of my other maternity jeans have the flared leg...not gonna work this winter.  I really needed something I can tuck into my boots.  Even now, everytime I go outside my jeans get wet to the knees.  Skinny Jeans.  So they came in today, along with the rest of my loot, and oh em gee!  They're perfect!  Complete with belly band and all- what more could I wish for?  Oh, for them not to give me the dreaded "Mom butt."  Oh, don't shake your head and act like you don't know what the MOM BUTT is.  The tall, flat, rectangular butt sported by moms in MOM JEANS?  Yep, that's what I'm talking about.  Tried those bad boys on.  No.Mom.Butt.  Word!  I'm on the phone with my mom while I'm trying on all of my new clothes and all she can say about the maternity skinny jeans is that they're an oxymoron in themselves.  I'll give her that, but I'll bet you she's never seen a mom butt look this good in SKINNY JEANS!  Hahahaha.