There's some good energy flowin'

-Had a nice day today with a nice third-world friend.  Sorry, K, if you're reading this. (She's from Macedonia.  One time I was telling a story and made reference to people from "third world countries"...there was a moment, she said something, then we both busted a gut laughing.)  We have a funny friendship anyway.  We barely understand each other, and when we do maybe it's better if we hadn't of.  We're just too funny, what can we say?  Anyway, we "get" each other.  OH!  And today I taught her the expression "I got a wild hair up my butt"-- unfortunately while telling a story about cooking.  Then she was grossed out and I'm not sure I even finished my story.  She's one of my only friends here in the NL that likes to cook/bake/entertain like I do.  Today I went so far as to wine and dine her with a cheese quesadilla, canned croissants and a packet of apple cider.  What?  I wasn't feeling it today.  You got fed though, didn't you K?

-So as usual, when all the gossip was out and the last dirty joke was told we got into our serious talk.  Isn't it funny how you realize things about yourself once you say them out loud?  Like, maybe you always knew that you were a certain way, but until you openly admitted it it never became a reality?  Well, that happens to me all the time.  Maybe I should just walk around talking to myself.  Hell, what am I even blogging for- I should be sitting in the corner somewhere just telling myself all of this stuff.  Hehe.  So my realization today was that I put forth so much energy, too much energy, into thinking about what everyone else is thinking about.  Mostly about me.  "What are other people thinking about me?"  I think the things that bother me about myself don't really actually bother me that much.  But I think maybe they might bother someone else.  So then I let it become my problem.  It's also possible that no one else has ever been bothered by that thing, I just think they might, so I get bothered about it myself.  So I create the whole problem in my head....and then act it out.  I may have lost you at cheese quesadilla.  What I'm getting at is, I really shouldn't give a damn and I know I shouldn't but I do.  So maybe I should try to work on that.  I know that I am critical of other people at times, so I guess I just always expect other people to be critical of me all the time- and most of the time I have a difficult time being comfortable in my own skin.  I'm pretty sure all of this started when I moved here to the NL.  I had always been a fairly confident person.  Very outgoing.  Never shy, never met a stranger.  Over here I'm like my own evil twin.  Insecure, shy, stand-offish, intimidated.  I also find that I'm afraid to finish things because of failure in the end.  That's a big thing to admit, but I'm keepin' it real here in blog-land.  So as I acknowledge these things, I throw them into the prayer bucket and give them up to someone bigger than me that can help me deal with them. :)

-On a more positive note, I did get some special treatment this afternoon.  Remember my third-world girlfriend K?  She is a Reiki practitioner.  I'd actually never heard of Reiki until I met her and then I read up on it a bit.  Here's the Wikipedia link if you've never heard of it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiki
Once I found out that it's not religion-based and really just a spiritual practice, I was more open to it.  Jr., here, is still a breech baby at 31 weeks and hasn't changed positions since at least 19 weeks gestation so I'm wondering if he'll ever flip, or if he's just cozy and content with his head wedged in my ribs.  While googling ways to turn a breech baby, I came across an article that promoted the use of energy and reflexology.  Well, Reiki = use of energy.  So I wrote K and asked her what she thought and if she'd be willing to do a session with me.  So we did today.  No funny business- incense or anything, haha.  I just layed down on my back on the couch and she used her hands to hover over or touch certain points on my body (eyes/temple area, jawline, ribs, belly, knee caps (my favorite) and the soles of my feet.)  She asked me afterward what I felt, and I just told her I liked the knee cap part- really, it was nice.  Anyway, each position got held for about 5 minutes before moving to the next.  Had she gone any longer I probably could've taken a nap- which she says is normal.  She explained to me that she wasn't going to use the energy to try and get Jr. to move because he will move when he is good and ready, but maybe there is an underlying issue (maybe even with me) preventing him from the great migration.  So the energy knows where it needs to go without being directed.  And sometimes energy can be directed towards something we want, but might not necessarily be the best thing for us or the best answer.  Kind of like prayer, I think.  Ya know the country song about how some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers?  We don't always get what we want, but instead we get what's best for us.  So, energy, what ya got?